Jiraiya's Hobby Has a Downside
by Akatsuki210
Summary: Oneshot.  Jiraiya loves to spy on women at the local hot spring.  But on one such trip, an unexpected encounter will traumatize him...and amuse everyone else.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto or any of its characters.

**Warning: **A couple of the characters in this story haven't been introduced in the anime yet, so beware of spoilers if you don't read the manga. Rated T for the whole "Jiraiya peeping at naked women" thing.

* * *

**Jiraiya's Hobby Has a Downside**

"Oh boy! I can't believe I got in! Isn't this awesome?"

"No, it's not, yeah." Deidara slouched along looking highly annoyed, while Tobi bounced up and down next to him.

"Hey kid, didn't you ever learn that a shinobi shouldn't draw attention to himself?" Kisame grumbled.

"You should talk, yeah. You don't exactly blend in, you know."

"Hey! I know you're in a bad mood, but don't take it out on me."

"You all claimed that this would be relaxing, but you do not appear relaxed," Itachi observed in his typical deadpan manner. The four Akatsuki members were strolling along one of the roads that led to a resort town in the Wind Country. Somehow, Tobi had convinced the other three that they should all go to a spa to celebrate his induction into the organization. In other words, he had pestered them until they gave in just to make him shut up.

"Hey, look, I can see it!" Tobi exclaimed, pointing towards the horizon. "This is going to be so much fun!"

The other three groaned.

* * *

"Heehee, this is going to be so much fun!" Jiraiya whispered to himself. With Naruto in the care of Kakashi and Yamato, he finally had some time to himself. It was a good thing, really—he desperately needed to collect some data for the next book in his bestselling Come-Come Paradise series.

Jiraiya snuck around the outside of a spa in the Wind Country, notebook in hand. In addition to the indoor massage, manicure/pedicure, and facial facilities, there were also two outdoor hot springs—one for men and one for women. Jiraiya examined the wooden wall surrounding the first one, looking for a crack between two adjacent boards. Soon enough, he found one, and peered through it.

"Ah, I'm lucky!" It appeared that he had found the women's bath on the first try. There was one lone figure lounging in the hot water, with her back to him. Long, luxuriant blond hair tumbled over her shoulders. Slender arms stretched out to either side of her. Elegant fingers ended in nails that were painted a deep purple. Eagerly, Jiraiya began scribbling in his notebook.

He watched the woman for a while, wishing she would turn around. Eventually, she reached for a hair tie that sat at the edge of the spring and used it to fix some of her hair into a ponytail exactly on top of her head. _Is she leaving?_ Jiraiya thought. _Her clothes are behind her; she'll have to turn around to put them back on!_ Instead, the woman stood up with her back still to him. Despite that, Jiraiya had to put a hand to his face to staunch a nosebleed. The woman possessed exquisite curves; everything was firm and shapely. He began writing in his notebook again with renewed enthusiasm.

Then the woman finally turned around to reach for her clothes…and Jiraiya's mouth dropped open in pure horror.

_It's…it's…a MAN!_

_

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_

Deidara sighed contentedly as he soaked in the hot spring. At long last, he was alone: Itachi and Kisame were getting massages, and Tobi was getting a pedicure. ("If we're going to paint our toenails, they should at least look nice," he said. Kisame tried to explain that only women got pedicures, but Tobi wouldn't listen and Kisame eventually gave up.) He didn't mind Kisame and Itachi so much, but Tobi was annoying as hell. _The Leader must hate me, to make him my partner, yeah._ Looking up at the position of the sun, he saw that it was almost time for them to leave. He wouldn't mind staying longer, but they were supposed to meet a subordinate in a nearby village in an hour or so. He put his hair back in its customary ponytail, stood up, and turned around to find his clothing.

That's when he heard a terrified scream, followed by the sound of someone running away. The last time he'd heard a scream like that was when Itachi had put some poor bastard under the Tsukiyomi genjutsu. Quickly, he grabbed his bag of clay.

The door to the spa swung open and Itachi came out, with a towel around his waist and a stick of dango in one hand. "Deidara-san, what's wrong? Are we under attack?"

"I don't know, yeah. I heard a scream—it sounded like it was coming from outside the walls—and then someone running. Are you guys ok?"

At that moment, Tobi rushed out the door and slammed into Itachi's back. Itachi glared at him. "You know," Itachi mused, tapping the dango stick against his lips thoughtfully, "That voice sounded really familiar. It almost sounded like…but it can't be…it sounded like _Jiraiya-san's_ voice."

"Jiraiya-san? You mean one of the Legendary Sannin? Don't worry, I'll protect you guys! I'll kick his ass!" This, of course, came from Tobi.

"Baka, you don't need to do that, he already ran away, yeah." Deidara smirked. "I bet he was scared away just by my presence, yeah."

"Really? That's awesome, Deidara-senpai! You're the bestest partner ever!" Tobi flung himself at Deidara and engulfed the other Akatsuki member in an enthusiastic hug. Knocked off balance by the impact, Deidara fell over with Tobi on top of him.

Naturally, Kisame chose that exact moment to emerge from the interior of the spa. He looked from Deidara and Tobi to Itachi. "Do I even want to know what's going on here? Or why you're watching?"

"Dammit, Tobi, get the hell off me, yeah!"

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About a half-mile into a nearby forest, Jiraiya finally stopped running. He couldn't believe what had happened. No man had the right to be so…so…beautiful! He shook his head, trying to clear the mental image. _Tsunade-san would say this is my punishment for peeping at women_, he thought wryly. He pulled out his notebook, and looked at the page on which he had written his observations of the "woman" in the hot spring. _"Hair the golden color of sunshine, sculpted arms and legs, nails the color of fresh grapes…The epitome of female beauty…"_ With shaking hands, he tore out the page and ripped it into little pieces, which he then threw to the winds. He shuddered one more time, then hurried on his way back to Konoha.

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A/N: This story is based on a random idea that popped into my head one day. I hope you all enjoyed it. This is the first time I've tried writing a purely humorous story, so please review and let me know how I did! 


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